A Man’s Journey Through Divorce: A Common Tale
A young man recently visited my office, visibly anxious. His wife had just initiated divorce proceedings. He, who felt stable, supported, and even loved until recently, now found himself overwhelmed by anxiety, sadness, and confusion. He couldn’t fathom how their relationship had crumbled.
—”I still don’t understand when everything went wrong,” he confided in me.
His situation, though deeply personal, resonates with many others. As I pondered this, social media erupted with another viral story: during a Coldplay concert, a well-known entrepreneur was seen embracing a woman on the big screen. Both appeared uncomfortable and distanced themselves immediately. The incident sparked media frenzy, reflecting a broader conversation about the state of relationships, fidelity, and human desire in today’s world.
Divorce Trends in Mexico: A Growing Phenomenon
According to INEGI data, Mexico saw over 163,000 divorces in 2023. Although this represents a slight decrease from the previous year, a more revealing statistic is that 33 out of every 100 marriages end in divorce, up from 15 a decade ago. The average age at dissolution is 38 for men and 36 for women, right in their peak productivity and family responsibility phase. The average duration of dissolved unions is approximately 17.7 years.
Moreover, there’s a growing trend of fewer formal marriages and more non-legal unions. Statistics suggest that over 50% of young adults prefer cohabiting without marriage, despite frequent breakups. This isn’t merely a legal status change but a paradigm shift: a revolution in bonds and the very notion of commitment.
The Science Behind Infidelity
Infidelity isn’t new, but its visibility certainly is. In an era of ubiquitous cameras and viral social media, the consequences of betrayal can be immediate and devastating.
In the animal kingdom, only 3-5% of mammals are monogamous. Among them, the meadow vole (Microtus ochrogaster) stands out for its fidelity, extensively studied due to its faithfulness. These species’ pair-bonding is regulated by oxytocin and vasopressin, alongside dopamine reward system activation. In humans, these same systems are involved in falling in love, attachment, and breakups.
Various studies have linked certain genetic variants—like those of the dopamine receptor (DRD4)—to a higher tendency towards infidelity, along with elevated testosterone levels or reward system dysfunctions. Neurobiologically, some individuals may have a reduced ability to inhibit responses to novel or exciting stimuli, making them more vulnerable to cheating.
Furthermore, brain responses differ based on the type of infidelity. Neuroimaging studies have shown that men react more intensely to sexual infidelity, while women respond more to emotional infidelity, possibly reflecting evolutionary strategies related to resource or offspring protection.
Beyond brain circuits, infidelity has profound effects: anxiety, low self-esteem, depressive symptoms, and even psychological trauma. Often, the betrayed partner loses not just their partner but also trust in their ability to be loved.
Is Love’s Structure Changing?
Today, we openly discuss polyamory, open relationships, and multiple bonds with explicit agreements. Some view it as a threat to traditional monogamy; others see it as a more honest, evolved way of relating. The truth is that emotional and sexual exclusivity no longer holds the sacred place it once did for previous generations.
This doesn’t mean love is dying, but it’s certainly evolving. The single, permanent, closed, and exclusive couple model may not suit everyone’s temperament or life stages. Meanwhile, some relationships thrive under this scheme, while others seek new forms: more flexible agreements, different types of bonds, or even prioritize a significant relationship with oneself.
What Can We Do?
To foster healthier emotional and/or romantic relationships, consider these tips:
- Work on your emotional baggage before blaming others. Unresolved wounds often sabotage current relationships.
- Discuss agreements explicitly and regularly. What worked before may not anymore; needs change, as do relationships.
- Nurture shared novelty. New experiences in a relationship activate the same dopamine reward circuits as initial infatuation.
- Seek professional help when needed. Many relationships fail due to a lack of tools, not love.
Key Questions and Answers
- Question: Answer: Perhaps it’s evolving naturally rather than collapsing. The challenge may not be clinging to one form of love but learning to build more conscious, honest, and deeply human connections.
